"Sweet Disorder"...I think that this might be the best description of my life. One I can completely relate. I came upon this term as I have begun reading the autobiography of St. Teresa of Avila. Within the introduction the author of the translation uses this term credited to Herrick, as being a description for Teresa's writing. How could such a profound saint have been in such disorder, or at least her writings?
While I would love my life to be a bit more orderly...it really isn't so. My laundry is never caught up, my carpets are never swept nearly enough, dishes narrowly get clean, kids toys peak from every possible hiding place, my prayer time is never the same every day, my dreams & goals always find alternate routes than what I envisioned, and I find my energy listless many more times than I'd like to admit.
But honestly all is very sweet in my life; I have no room for actual complaint. Like St. Teresa I too at times would rather be doing other things than what God may be calling me to accept. That's not to say my life is perfect, but sweetly disordered. Disordered only because I am human and made sweet by Mary's Grace within my life (definitely not because of me). It's taking me quite some time to come to understand this and I still wrestle with how to be at peace with the disorder; especially in our OCD world.
The processes that encompass my life can be exhausting...when I think I have one thing together something else springs a leak. Perhaps this is how Sts. Peter and Paul might have felt. When Peter finally understood the enormity of Jesus and his love and friendship, Jesus then tells him that he will be killed. Peter torn with this realization that his beloved friend will be taken from him in such a brutal way; becomes emboldened that he will stand faithfully by Our Lord; only to deny him three times.
St. Paul passionately convicted in his persecution of the Jews only to be forcefully knocked from his horse and left with nothing...not even his sight. Both rendered unable to do much of anything without the mercy of Jesus to save them. Their lives become nothing but "Sweet Disorder". They didn't know the way, when they thought they did God gently and sometimes more forcefully guided them otherwise. Both men went from sinners to saints. In the end they have become two of the most beloved and followed saints; but not without embracing sweet disorder.
It was through their disorder that they were called to greater humility so that they might come to serve and be a witness to many more than they could have comprehended. I really believe that the only order we can place any confidence in is that which Jesus has laid out...if we remember nothing more or can't grab the depth of the Catechism at the place where we are, start with prayer. Start by humbly offering our weaknesses, our sinfulness, our hopes failed and hoped for to Mary Our Mother. She will lovingly take all and make our prayers shine like gold before giving them to her Son. Through the Trinity, a Holy Family...the Father, Son, Holy Spirit and the Blessed Mother will shower us with more abundance and order our "Sweet Disorder".
To Jesus through Mary...Abundant Blessings be yours. XO Meg ...JMJ